Tread gently on the sensitive feelings of a mate or lover. Comments may result in a fiery overreaction and leave you in the doghouse. It's not your fault your spouse is a whiny little baby, but it's probably not a good idea to tell them so.
There's no cure for dumb, so quit trying to pass yourself off as smart person. Instead, just remember that you may have been put on this earth as a warning to others. You do something dumb and teach everyone else not to do it. It's a purpose!
You want to get that promotion at work? Behind-the-scenes manipulation is the key to advancing your career. There's nothing more satisfying than sweeping the rug out from under a dedicated, hardworking coworker by stealing their promotion.
Your Kung-fu is strong this week, Grasshopper. You'll excel at work, home and pretty much anything else you put your mind to. Congrats! Of course, that doesn't change the fact that you are and always will be a loser.
Surely the world knows how great and wonderful you are, but it never hurts to make sure. Corner your friends, family, coworkers, or anyone else who will listen, and bestow upon them your vast mountain of knowledge. Goody!
Why does it seem like you're always working while everyone else is having fun? That pesky job keeps cutting into your playtime. It's time to ditch the workplace and find a party. If you're addicted to expensive things (like eating), just take some time off.
A financial windfall is blowing your way. Instead of hoarding your cash or collecting bank interest on it, spend it immediately on the most frivolous things you can think of. Hey, no one ever accused you of being responsible.
The way you manage your financial affairs is the focus of an argument between you and the spouse. This argument will go on forever if you let it. In fact, this will be brought up time and time again, years down the road. Enjoy, genius.
The boss has his eye on you so now is the time to put forth extra effort at work. By “extra effort,” I mean coming out of the breakroom and actually working for a few minutes, at least until the head honcho turns his eye to someone else.
Just because your methods have always failed in the past doesn't mean you need to change your ways and try something new. Besides, the more incompetent you seem, the less people will ask you to do, and the more time you have to lounge.
Whether single and eligible, or married, you'll discover that dreams really do come true in the love and marriage arena. Of course, it's not really the dreams that are the problem, it's the waking up that usually ends your relationships.
The plummeting temperatures have frozen your little brain cells. Thaw them out by visiting a tropical location and basking on the beach. If you can't afford a vacation, try something else to thaw them. You need all the brain cells you can get.
  
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