Now that the hustle and bustle of the holidays is past, I can finally take a deep breath and say, unequivocally, that I am indeed, the real Slim Shady.
But seriously, even though the holidays are behind us (as evidenced by our behind), it's still a busy, busy time here at my house.
Not only do I have to get this column written, but I've got to hurry and get those darn Valentine's Day decorations up. Now!
Cleaning house
On top of that, I need to spend some valuable time conducting a house-wide search for weapons of mass destruction. You know what I mean - gathering up soiled laundry, collecting dirty, mold-ridden dishes that have lain dormant beneath my daughters' beds since Christmas Eve.
Doing battle with insurgent dust bunnies.
But I can do it all at once because I'm one o' them "multi-tasking" kind of people.
You know what "multi-tasking" is. It's like when you're driving down Grand Avenue at 8 a.m. and you're eating a bagel, sippin' your latte, talkin' on your cell phone, waxing your forehead, doing the crossword, your nails, your mascara and your lips, AND knitting a sweater all at the same time. Yeah, I've seen you!
But enough about you.
Even though I'm busy multi-tasking my life away, don't for ONE MINUTE think that I've lost sight of my priorities. Namely, keeping my eyes open for Bigfoot.
Searching for Sasquatch
Yes, I, in fact, still belong to a very secret society of individuals who are desperately in search of Sasquatch.
We true believers report our findings to Mr. Ray Crowe, founder, president, CEO and head pooper-scooper of the International Bigfoot Society, which is, of course, based out of Crowe's home in Hillsboro, Ore.
Talk about a multi-tasker!
Ray Crowe, like me, firmly believes Bigfoot exists - and Ray has a fist-sized sample of Bigfoot poop to prove it. He spotted this sample while visiting Billings, multi-tasking his way down Grand Avenue. He pulled over, put down his cell phone, and scooped up the scat, which is not easy to do with a pair of knitting needles, you betchya.
Speaking of big Montana adventures, I had the privilege and pleasure of spending time with my pal Jack Gladstone of Kalispell over the holidays.
Talk about a "multi-tasking" kind of a guy.
Gladstone music
Jack is a Blackfeet Indian singer/ songwriter who has been quietly and reverently building a solid musical reputation based on the rich oral history of his ancestors. He's an accomplished musician, storyteller, lecturer, poet and performer. He's the recipient of the Human Rights Award for Outstanding Community Service from Montana State University-Northern. He was nominated for Songwriter of the Year in 1999 by the Native American Music Awards. Jack's eighth album, "Buffalo Republic," was honored with a 2000 Grammy nomination for Folk Album of the Year. Jack's latest effort, "Tappin' the Earth's Backbone," is perhaps the tightest and best-produced work of his long career.
Talent in multi-tasking runs deep in Jack's DNA. His great, great grandfather was a man named Red Crow, a chief of the Blood Tribe, who led his people with courage and dignity during the free-roaming, buffalo-hunting days through the transition period and into the new life on the reserve under Canadian authority.
When his people needed warriors, he was the greatest among them. When the future of the Bloods depended on shrewd statesmanship in negotiation with the white government, he rose to prominence.
And Jack's grandfather, William Gladstone (also a skilled multi-tasker and carpenter), helped build Montana's Fort Benton and Alberta's infamous Fort Whoop Up.
Red Crow helped build a bridge for his people, his "children," from the free, nomadic way of life to the settled ways of the reservation.
Jack Gladstone's gift is to build bridges between cultures, through his music, songs and stories, not only for his children, but for all of our children.
And then there's Ray Crowe, who someday, through careful scatological research, will build a bridge of understanding between ourselves and our inner Bigfoots.
Now, I've gotta get going, 'cause writing this column while knitting bridges for dust-bunnies is tough to do with both hands on the wheel.
Originally published Jan. 11, 2003.
Copyright © The Billings Gazette, a division of Lee Enterprises.
John Potter, an Ojibwe from Wisconsin, is a gifted artist, illustrator and writer. After more than 20 years as an editorial artist and columnist with the Billings Gazette (Billings, Mont.), he now spends his full time and energy on his oils, painting the landscapes of the West that he loves the most. His work can be seen online at www.johnpotterstudio.com.
