If you look for National Health Observances on the World Wide Web you will find April is Counseling Awareness Month. (It is also National Facial Protection Month and National Occupational Therapy Month, and more.) Counseling is a process that involves a mutual exchange of ideas. We usually think of counselors as individuals who will help find answers to some of the perplexing questions that come with life in a complicated world. Most of us have been counseled and have given counsel to others. There are school counselors, financial counselors, pastoral counselors, occupational counselors and legal counselors. We have counseled our friends on what to do in sticky situations and listened to our friends' opinions about what we should do.
Usually, we do not seek a counselor's opinion when we first approach one of life's problems or decisions. We want to be self-sufficient and figure out answers on our own. That seems to be a basic human quality, the wish to be self-sufficient, independent. Only after realizing we don't have enough information to make a decision or that we have too many possible choices and can't pick just one, do we begin to think about getting "counseled." Frequently we ask close and trusted friends or family members to be our first-line counselor. We explain a situation and ask what to do. We get advice and opinions. If we don't like what we hear or if we still can't decide what to do or if still don't have enough information we go ask someone else. Sometimes people feel trapped or hopeless and stop asking or doing anything for awhile. This is the time to go find a professional counselor.
Professional counselors are trained in helping people find good pathways through difficult times. They help shine light on the unknown for the uncertain. However, first and foremost the counselor must be a listener. Providing counseling on any matter requires having the fullest understanding of the situation that a person brings to the counselor. What is the history? What are the concerns? What resources for solving a problem does the "counselee" already have? Who else is involved in the situation?
A counselor may ask these questions and others like them as the sharing of ideas moves along. And always, the counselor will need to listen carefully to the answer. I have occasionally heard people call counselors, "hired listeners." Counselors sometimes take notes. They write down some of the information so they can remember it for later in the counseling process, and it is a process. Because a counselor is given all this information, the counselor must also be able to keep it in confidence. A counseling relationship is private. That is basic. It is between the counselor and the counselee and no one else unless the two agree to share ideas.
The goals of professional counseling generally reflect the wishes of the person seeking the counselor's help. Goals may involve better money management, a better marriage relationship, better child rearing practices, a better plan for education, finding a way to have fewer depressed days, managing or leaving unhealthy behaviors. Overall, the common factor among counseling goals is to live in a good way, to live more smoothly and comfortably. Specific goals and the more immediate objectives vary from person to person, situation to situation. The time required to complete this journey also varies from a single meeting to a number of years depending upon what the participants want to accomplish.
Within our community there is counseling for fitness, for diet, for college programs. There is spiritual counseling, financial counseling, mental health and substance abuse counseling and even prenatal counseling for new mothers bringing even newer members into the community. It is fitting that we take a moment to recognize the professionals who provide these services and to remind ourselves that they are available to us all.
Life is a great and complex journey and it will bring challenges to each of us. Asking for help with these challenges is a good and brave thing to do. It is not weakness. It is strength and faith in the sharing of knowledge.
Jones is a mental health therapist at Bay Mills Medical Center.
